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Posted on 2 Jun, 2014 | 8 comments

Do You Find It HARD To ‘Be In The Moment’?

So let’s talk about this being ‘in the moment’ thing. If we all know about it, why do we need so much reminding to do it?

Last week I challenged myself to remember that in any given moment I lack nothing. That I already have everything I need – and some of you joined in with this intention.

How’s it been going?

I’ve been striving to remember to breathe, drop into my heart space and just be in the moment. It’s been an interesting journey.

When I manage to do it, it’s a relief. Like a deep soul whisper, “Everything’s alright.”

But what I’ve also noticed is that a) it’s taken me deeper into myself this week and b) I’ve avoided that somehow. What is that all about?!

So I’ve been listening to and observing myself and others and these are my research results:

Most of the time we are focused on the past or the future – which are both fantasies. Really, they are. They don’t actually exist. The times we ARE able to connect with the present moment, we seem to have a reflex to judge where we are – which is another clever way of avoiding the moment because then we think about why this moment is like this – and that throws us into the past or the future.

And this keeps us stuck in the very things we wish we didn’t have.

For example, I feel I don’t have enough time for myself, or connection with myself even when I get the time. Dropping into my heart space in the very moment I am in eases that feeling of lack dramatically. That’s what I’m actually seeking, yes? So why don’t I do it more? It’s fear people, our old friend Fear.

Let me ‘splain by expanding this into relationships with other people and with life in general.

I want more closeness in my relationship with someone so I practice what I preach. I breathe, I center myself and I open my heart to that person. The first feelings I’m flooded with are sadness, frustration, regret and pain in my heart. Why should that be? Because even in the moment of loving, what I’m unwittingly focusing on is what I feel I’ve been lacking. Why I even need to remember to open my heart to this someone. In other words, I’m thinking of what I haven’t had. And hey presto, suddenly I don’t have the closeness I want and need in that moment either.

Even though it’s right there I can’t access it – because in truth I’m unavailable on some deep level, stuck in my fantasy of hurts. It’s a subtle but tangible thing. I think I’m there in the moment with the other. I think I want to be there. But actually I’m in some imagined hurt. ‘Imagined’ because the person is there right now and what I’m feeling isn’t from now. Scared of getting new hurt – I hang onto the old hurt. Weird huh?

heart.

“Oh”, I think to myself, “I need to be PRESENT, be right here in it and focus on what I have, what I have, what I HAVE! Right now.”

It happens with our children. We want to be close. We want to share all these wonderful intimate moments buuuut, actually if we’re brutally honest with ourselves we will see that we mess up many moments of potential intimacy with them. Why? Because we’re thinking of what we don’t have. Not enough time, attention, sleep, intimacy with the children – the real open hearted feelings of love… And what do you know? All of a sudden we really don’t have those things. Why? Because when they were there we didn’t let them in. Maybe because we’re scared of the vulnerability. Maybe because we’re attached to being miserable, it’s comfortable, it’s what we know…

How rich and joyful will life be when I stay IN each moment with the full intention to focus in that very moment only on what I have, what I have, what I HAVE?

This week’s challenge.

 

8 Comments

  1. I have I have I have… thank you

    • 🙂
      Enjoy being IN the good stuff you have. Good luck with it. Let me know how the week goes?

  2. Eilat! I love reading your words and your thoughts/suggestions/guidance. Such helpful reminders. In fact, as I was reading through this blog post, I made a note and stuck it to my desk so I can see it every single second of the day – “Everything is alright – just as it is right now.”

    I’m having trouble staying in this present moment and not worrying about both the past and the future….with these thoughts about how will I be as a mom? Especially since my Mom was not an example for me of how I want to be a mom. Such good challenges! So thank you darling… xxxx

    • Oh I know those worries! A friend once said to me that she worries a whole lot more about those people who DON”T worry about what sort of parents they’ll be. The fact that you are here, engaging, feeling, thinking – and embarking on the TRUTH which is that “Everything is alright – just as it is right now.” all means you will be a conscious mom. Your child is very lucky. He’ll have a mom who cares enough to stay on her own journey as she helps him with his. Don’t you most wish your mom had been conscious? I know I do.
      Don’t you worry your pretty lil’ head. You are already a wonderful mother Rachel.

  3. Very good read! I will also join you this week. Funny, my husband and I are both extroverts but ‘detached’ or ‘aloof’. We are inclined to rather watch from a distance than actually, be in the present and participate. Our children sense that and seem to continuously try and pull us into the present. Maybe my kids would be less demanding if I was more ‘in the present’. Just a thought. Thanks

    • Wow Lindy. Thanks for your thought. It’s so true how they grab at us to bring us into the moment, over and over and over… and it can be so painful (aka irritating) when they do it by whining or wanting our attention. It’s so cool that you brought that aspect in, that our children are helping us do this thing that we find so hard to do. Thank you for that reminder. It’s vital. I mean we are actually on a full-time workshop on being in the moment as parents aren’t we? They really feel our absence when we are not in the moment. Maybe they’re reflecting to us just how much of a gap is left IN US when we aren’t present. Whew. Ok, I’m going to add listening to my children’s reminders to my week’s what I have, what I have HAT I HAVE. Because I also have little huge teachers helping me along this path 24/7/365.

  4. The simplest sounding things, the simplest concepts, are the most difficult to apply. I think the mind is also addicted to difficulty, complexity… it supports the story that I just CAN’T get out of this pattern/cycle/habit. Thank you for the reminder that it’s all monkey-mind talk. I’ll join you this week in trying to be present. So. Difficult. But so good when it works!

    • I just answered your comment to last week’s post as though it was to this week’s post – so go check it out. I wonder how it will apply that way. I tend to just trust these things as they play out. Whew, that ‘monkey-mind talk’ you mention. It REALLY has jumped up this week all a-chatter in the trees. Think this topic is threatening to it. No matter, let’s keep going and see what happens. What I have, what I have, WHAT I HAVE – gratitude that I have your connection and comment to answer. 🙂

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  1. Why We Judge Ourselves | So You Think Parenting Is About The Children? - […] of the sneaky ways we avoid the moment is to judge it as soon as we find ourselves in…

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