Do You Find It HARD To ‘Be In The Moment’?
So let’s talk about this being ‘in the moment’ thing. If we all know about it, why do we need so much reminding to do it?
Last week I challenged myself to remember that in any given moment I lack nothing. That I already have everything I need – and some of you joined in with this intention.
How’s it been going?
I’ve been striving to remember to breathe, drop into my heart space and just be in the moment. It’s been an interesting journey.
When I manage to do it, it’s a relief. Like a deep soul whisper, “Everything’s alright.”
But what I’ve also noticed is that a) it’s taken me deeper into myself this week and b) I’ve avoided that somehow. What is that all about?!
So I’ve been listening to and observing myself and others and these are my research results:
Most of the time we are focused on the past or the future – which are both fantasies. Really, they are. They don’t actually exist. The times we ARE able to connect with the present moment, we seem to have a reflex to judge where we are – which is another clever way of avoiding the moment because then we think about why this moment is like this – and that throws us into the past or the future.
And this keeps us stuck in the very things we wish we didn’t have.
For example, I feel I don’t have enough time for myself, or connection with myself even when I get the time. Dropping into my heart space in the very moment I am in eases that feeling of lack dramatically. That’s what I’m actually seeking, yes? So why don’t I do it more? It’s fear people, our old friend Fear.
Let me ‘splain by expanding this into relationships with other people and with life in general.
I want more closeness in my relationship with someone so I practice what I preach. I breathe, I center myself and I open my heart to that person. The first feelings I’m flooded with are sadness, frustration, regret and pain in my heart. Why should that be? Because even in the moment of loving, what I’m unwittingly focusing on is what I feel I’ve been lacking. Why I even need to remember to open my heart to this someone. In other words, I’m thinking of what I haven’t had. And hey presto, suddenly I don’t have the closeness I want and need in that moment either.
Even though it’s right there I can’t access it – because in truth I’m unavailable on some deep level, stuck in my fantasy of hurts. It’s a subtle but tangible thing. I think I’m there in the moment with the other. I think I want to be there. But actually I’m in some imagined hurt. ‘Imagined’ because the person is there right now and what I’m feeling isn’t from now. Scared of getting new hurt – I hang onto the old hurt. Weird huh?
“Oh”, I think to myself, “I need to be PRESENT, be right here in it and focus on what I have, what I have, what I HAVE! Right now.”
It happens with our children. We want to be close. We want to share all these wonderful intimate moments buuuut, actually if we’re brutally honest with ourselves we will see that we mess up many moments of potential intimacy with them. Why? Because we’re thinking of what we don’t have. Not enough time, attention, sleep, intimacy with the children – the real open hearted feelings of love… And what do you know? All of a sudden we really don’t have those things. Why? Because when they were there we didn’t let them in. Maybe because we’re scared of the vulnerability. Maybe because we’re attached to being miserable, it’s comfortable, it’s what we know…
How rich and joyful will life be when I stay IN each moment with the full intention to focus in that very moment only on what I have, what I have, what I HAVE?
This week’s challenge.