Pages Menu
RssFacebook
Categories Menu

Posted on 17 Aug, 2015 | 2 comments

The Judgement Will Kill You

Have you ever had the experience where you are all excited by an idea or a thing and then something – a thought or another person’s opinion – puts it down in some way and suddenly you lose the thrill and feel a bit foolish?

silly

In a meditation the other day I got this thought, “Drop the judgement. It’s gonna kill you!”  Unsurprisingly after that I’ve been moved to consider Judgement in my life and inner world. And oh boy!

I know I keep coming back to this topic and I suspect I may do so for the rest of my human life – because we are SO steeped in judgement as a way of being.

So there’s this idea which goes like this: Each of us is amazing and wonderful and this is not measured by comparing or judging. None of us is better or more special that anyone else. None of us is less than or less special than anyone else either. There IS no ‘better’ or ‘worse’ – we all just ARE.

This concept boggles my mind. I try to grasp it and my mind does this goggling, jittering thing and slips off it. I mean I get it intellectually but deeper? Boggle, boggle…

It’s not what we are taught, is it? Maybe in words sometimes – in kindergarten – but not in action out in the ‘real’ world and certainly not in the way our capitalist society is constructed. We are taught you have to win, you have to be ahead. If others are ahead of you –  in school marks, income, marriage, sport, parenting, weight, beauty, material possessions, talent, fame, success  – that means you are not as good as them. We are led to believe there is a limited amount of money and fame to go around. If others have that means you don’t have. We believe there is a limited number of high status positions for which we need to vie and if we don’t get them we are not worth as much. If you are as talented as someone else but they get the high status position that’s bad luck for you. They made it and you didn’t. You are a victim, a loser, it’s a shame. They must have something special that you don’t – or have fooled people into believing that.

What kind of a set-up is this?! For goodness sake.  And it’s all a load of rubbish too.

If you think about a system – a country, an organisation, a school, a family – it is obvious that all parts are needed and all need to perform their function to make the system run smoothly. If street sweepers or garbage collectors or shop assistants or tellers go on strike things stop functioning well. There is no such thing as JUST a mom, JUST a housekeeper, JUST a cashier, JUST a homeless man, JUST an assistant or whatever other positions upon which our society tends to cast a disdainful eye. Everyone has a certain function – which we may or may not see from the

Read More

Posted on 20 Jul, 2015 | 4 comments

Hey Busy Person, Take a Moment For You

From Aug 5, 2013

I know you’re busy. I do. I know you’ve got a hundred things on the boil, so to speak, and I think you’re amazing for doing all of it like you do.

c

But tell me something, with all of what you’ve got going on, when did you last take a few moments to simply breathe and relax?

face - Copy

Yes, I know I should breathe and relax.  I wish I could. But who has the time?”

Time? What’s time?

Let’s do it now. Come on, I’ll help you. It only takes between five and eight minutes. I know, I’ve timed it.

Ok?

Let’s do this thing. Seriously, I mean it. Let’s do it right now. Yes? Are you on board?

Right so if you have something literally boiling go turn it down or off. If the phone rings in the next few minutes let it ring. You can call them back. Anything you were about to do can wait another five or ten minutes. That’s not long. Anything else? You can just leave it for a few minutes, you really can – or if it’s super quick and it’ll bug you, then quickly go do it now and come straight back. But no excuses. Are you willing to dedicate around 6 minutes of your life to yourself? I hope so.

Read More

Posted on 29 Dec, 2014 | 0 comments

What Does It Mean To Keep Your Self?

Last chance to vote for this blog. Click on the red button to do so.

…………………..

There’s an exercise I use with groups where I ask them to visualise a pleasant parenting moment. I encourage them to really see it and feel it in all its colour. Who was there, what was happening… actually come to think of it, I should do it with you right now. Ok here goes. Ready?

Take a moment now to remember a moment of really pleasant parenting.

pleasant

Think about that experience. Who was there?

Where were you?

What was happening exactly?

Notice the colours, sounds and scents around you.

Really allow yourself to feel the goodness of that moment.

Notice where you feel the good feelings most strongly in your body.

Just enjoy this remembering.

Now I want to ask you, who is experiencing all this? Who is at the centre of this experience?

Yes, of course it’s

Read More

Posted on 1 Sep, 2014 | 0 comments

It’s A Family Affair

It’s so interesting to see family members you haven’t seen for a while, isn’t it? It suddenly gives you insights into your family’s unique ways in the world.

Basically you get to see your own issues in full view.

ah no

A while back I had the pleasure of spending time with a wonderful relative whom I get to see very rarely. She’s thoughtful and spiritual, warm-hearted and special and every now and again she said or did things that were freakishly familiar. That weird open-eyed feeling where you recognise something.  In those moments I could see my mother and myself and my grandmother and grandfather and my uncle and my siblings… in her. “Oh… so it’s not just my mom, or me – she has it too. This is a family thing”.

It’s a wonderful wide look at your gene pool’s unique way of engaging with the world. And a really good foundation for understanding yourself and your life journey.

The new insights from my time with her show me that, for all my self-criticism about the things I wish I did better, given where I come from, I’m doing damn well in certain areas. That’s such a nice thing to know. It calms me. There is progress.

Darwin would be proud.

Whenever someone tells me they are going to visit family – especially en-masse, like at holiday times – I get very excited for them. Yes, intense family visits might include a touch of hell

Read More

Posted on 2 Jun, 2014 | 8 comments

Do You Find It HARD To ‘Be In The Moment’?

So let’s talk about this being ‘in the moment’ thing. If we all know about it, why do we need so much reminding to do it?

Last week I challenged myself to remember that in any given moment I lack nothing. That I already have everything I need – and some of you joined in with this intention.

How’s it been going?

I’ve been striving to remember to breathe, drop into my heart space and just be in the moment. It’s been an interesting journey.

When I manage to do it, it’s a relief. Like a deep soul whisper, “Everything’s alright.”

But what I’ve also noticed is that a) it’s taken me deeper into myself this week and b) I’ve avoided that somehow. What is that all about?!

So I’ve been listening to and observing myself and others and these are my research results:

Most of the time we are focused on the past or the future – which are both fantasies. Really, they are. They don’t actually exist. The times we ARE able to connect with the present moment, we seem to have a reflex to judge where we are – which is another clever way of avoiding the moment because then we think about why this moment is like this – and that throws us into the past or the future.

And this keeps us stuck in the very things we wish we didn’t have.

For example, I feel I don’t have enough time for myself, or connection with myself even when I get the time. Dropping into my heart space in the very moment I am in eases that feeling of lack dramatically. That’s what I’m actually seeking, yes? So why don’t I do it more? It’s fear people, our old friend Fear.

Let me ‘splain by expanding this into relationships with other people and with life in general.

I want more closeness in my relationship with someone so I practice what I preach. I breathe, I center myself and I open my heart to that person. The first feelings I’m flooded with are sadness, frustration, regret and pain in my heart. Why should that be? Because even in the moment of loving, what I’m unwittingly focusing on is what I feel I’ve been lacking. Why I even need to remember to open my heart to this someone. In other words, I’m thinking of what I haven’t had. And hey presto, suddenly I don’t have the closeness I want and need in that moment either.

Even though it’s right there I can’t access it – because in truth

Read More

Posted on 26 May, 2014 | 15 comments

Things Are Fine But You’re Not Satisfied?

Remember stillness?

Before the constant noise and busy-ness.  When you had a Sunday morning to just ‘be’ and no-one would drag you out of your reverie. Wake up late, read a book, make yourself something to eat, watch a movie, hang out with friends and have long conversations, not leave the couch…

slothOr the times you had an evening alone and you pottered contentedly around your house, doing odd jobs, talking on the phone, doing some hobby or project until you had enough…

Or went to the beach, for a hike, to the movies on your own or with another adult…

Lately I’ve really needed my own space. My own time to do my thing – whatever it may be – without being dragged out of it to make a snack, wipe a bum, prepare supper, clean something someone else dirtied, urge resistant children to tidy up, brush teeth, get in the car…

Lately though, even when I get time to myself, I don’t feel satisfied.

Am I moaning and complaining? I think so.

I don’t like not getting what I perceive I need but I feel bad for complaining about what I have. What I have is so totally awesome.

Yesterday outside a shop I saw some young hip and happening guys pull up in a bright yellow, super-cool car. They hopped out in their oh-so-trendy outfits and haircuts and then, surprise, one reached into the car, pulled out a little ‘un, swung him onto his hip in a warm and comfortable intimacy and they headed inside. It looked so easy for him.

And I, Queen of “Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides”, compared myself to this illusion and wailed quietly, “Why is it so easy for him and so hard for me?”

Later I was reassured by a conversation with a friend who affirmed that other people have insides too. That this parenting thing demands a lot when you are conscious and want to do your best.

Consciousness is a double-edged sword at times isn’t it? Living unthinkingly seems to demand less – then again, you lose your Life driver’s licence, your sense of meaning and purpose, not to mention those very rich, beautiful moments awareness intermittently surprises you with.

I just KNOW I’m missing the point. I see the point. It keeps tapping at me, buzzing all around me. I’m aware of it, I engage with it a little but then I swat it away. So let me tell it, I see it:

I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED AND WANT, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

See Point? I know you’re there. I’m just avoiding you, that’s all.

The Baghavad Gita explores doing everything as a yoga, a purposeful conscious action that is in alignment with

Read More

Posted on 17 Feb, 2014 | 2 comments

Learning To Be Kind To Self

Well, I had to hand over a bean this week.

bean

Yes, I shouted. But this bean actually didn’t hurt so much because I was loving with myself.

It happened when I was doing two things simultaneously and planning the other three things I needed to do like, yesterday! Along came my man asking me to do something for him, “I’m bringing it right now, please wait there” he said. He was doing something to benefit all of us, so I waited, jiggling my foot, mind full-speed on the logistics of what to do next. Along came my child asking me to come help him with something. “I’m just busy at the moment but I’ll come as soon as I can.” I told him. But of course children can’t understand that can they? And anyway, as far as he was concerned, I was just standing there for goodness sake. I wasn’t busy. I should come help him now. So he nagged and I was patient with that but inside I was starting to frazzle.

I was buzzing with five things to do, yet standing still and it felt like my man was taking a VERY long time. I could feel my boy’s urgency and I wanted to help him out – because his request was reasonable. I could help him quickly if only my man would just come back so I could do his thing already and then I could get back to the things I was doing… standing still, starting to emit smoke from my head – and then my child couldn’t handle the frustration anymore and HIT me.

Well.

Pop!

Then a heartfelt sorry, then the bean.

But I didn’t beat myself up about it this time. These moments show me where I’m forgetting that I’m a precious, unique being of light and love, right?

So let me ask, “Why did I shout? What lie did I believe in that moment?”

Well, right in the nexus of being the

Read More

Posted on 3 Feb, 2014 | 15 comments

Ever Heard Of A Shouting Diet?

So the theme of the moment is anger. And shouting.

                         Ugh.

As you know from the last couple of posts I am getting quite an education in anger management lately. I’m being shown over and over by my blessed tiny teachers where my own childhood hurts cause me to react impulsively and unconsciously – What a wonderful healing opportunity for me.

What a pain! Untitled..

As much as I know the ‘badness’ of it, I haven’t managed to stop shouting. I know it, I say it, I intend it but when that damn trigger comes I do it again! This repeated failing means my soul is trying to tell me something important about an old hurt that’s ready to heal.

I am DONE with this silliness. I want to figure this thing out and let it go.

I can see those tricksy triggers and I can see my roaring reaction (blush, blush) and I want to lovingly disconnect the hurts of my past from the things my children do now.

Lord help me!

Meanwhile, I’ve spoken to my children about my behaviour. I asked them to tell me when I’m shouting in case I’m not aware. I’ve told them I’m learning and trying and that shouting is not acceptable at all. “I’m sorry I haven’t managed to stop yet” I humbly said. “Does it at least help that I say sorry and talk about it?”

“No, not really.” says my boy. They have no mercy, dammit!

He told me nothing I do makes him feel better after I shout at him. A sad, silent moment for me. There’s not much to say when someone speaks that sort of truth.

“How about if I shout again I give you a bean to say sorry?” I suddenly asked. (When they do stuff that is awesome, helpful, kind, generous or impressive they get a bean. Together they decide on something they want to do, or get, and when their jar is

Read More

Posted on 25 Nov, 2013 | 11 comments

I Put My Hands In Vomit

So we are having a play date and at lunch our little guest tells me his tummy is sore.  (You already know where I’m going with this…)

He stops eating and goes off to play with a puzzle in the boy’s bedroom. Then I hear a noise. It’s the kind of noise that you just recognise when you hear it but your mind still tries to argue with you. “Nooo, it’s not that. You may think it’s that but it’s not really”

But still… there was that noise…

I put my fork down and race the few steps to the doorway to check on him and there’s the little guy, his face a picture of fear and horror, gazing at his vomit-drenched hands which are held up in much the same way as Lady Macbeth after the murder.

yuch

Poor little guy.

Poor carpet and puzzle.

I go in to comfort him and to quickly direct him to the toilet in case there’s more. There is.

We make it to the sink in time. Whew. But wait, it’s not going down. The vomit is blocking the drain. Oh.

Never mind! That’s ok. I can do this.

I’m trying not to look at the sink and to control my uncontrollable retching which happens whenever I encou

Read More