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Posted on 4 Jul, 2016 | 12 comments

Follow The Big Reactions

Untitledz

I had a dream about my Facebook page last night.

Really? That’s what I’m dreaming about? Don’t I have better things to use my unconscious time for?

Apparently not.

Apparently there’s something about my FB page that is hitting a nerve for me. So here it is – my strong reaction to something. And of course by now I know that to follow the clues offered by my strong reactions means to find my liberation.

I dreamed my Facebook page “So You Think Parenting is About The Children?” had been

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Posted on 8 Jan, 2016 | 0 comments

Are We Online Yet?

Thank you

I hope this post makes it into your inbox. We have had some technical difficulties the last few weeks but I’m hoping they are now resolved and that you receive this heart along with my heartfelt appreciation for you being out there, reading and commenting.

Your presence has added much richness to my journey.

May 2016 be sweet and kind to you. I wish you increased acceptance, and even love, for yourself – both your shadow and your light.

In full heart

Eilat Aviram

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Posted on 11 Aug, 2014 | 4 comments

About Pleasing Others

Yesterday I had a wonderful conversation about possible names for this blog. The ideas became progressively outrageous until we were rolling around crying with laughter.

laughing

We had some good ones; Nasty Little Messiahs, Light Side Of Trouble and then we just couldn’t  – or wouldn’t – move off titles with variations of the word ‘crap’ – Holy Crap, Good Shit, Good Clean Dirt, All That Crap, Life’s A Load Of Compost…

Soul Compost was lovely, but it’s taken.

I had lots of fun.

Then I went to sleep and couldn’t switch my brain off. Whirr, whirrrrrr, chewing over titles, grinding out ideas, sorting, rejecting, pondering, coming back to the question “What is my message?”

“Go to sleep!” I commanded myself. Whirr, whirr, whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Things are fun until at some point they’re not. It’s useful to take note of when something is no longer pleasant. I reached that point. There was pressure behind the need to solve this riddle.

So I asked myself, “Myself, what is this about?” and Myself answered, “Pleasing people. Getting it ‘right’.”

Oh. That.

Yesterday the theme of pleasing others was very present in other’s tales. I’m afraid to say no to them. Why? What if they don’t like me anymore. I’m living a double life. Why? They won’t understand and they’ll cast me out. I tell lies when the truth is inconvenient. Why? I’m scared they can’t handle the real me and they’ll leave. I should have known I was going to get a dose of it myself.

So why? Why do I need to get it right? To please others?

When I was younger I was once in a situation where two very dear people were actively pulling on me in opposite directions. I tried and tried and tried to please them both. In the end I was so stressed that I

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Posted on 4 Aug, 2014 | 22 comments

A New Name for This Blog?

screen shot So You Think Parenting Is About The Children

 

My mother tells me that recently my writing has changed.

“What do you mean?  How is it different?” I ask her

“Just the last few posts” she says, “They’re… safe.”

I have mixed feelings. The strongest is relief and joy that I have a mother who reads my blog (on parenting, no less) and engages with it to the point where she can pick that up and call me on it. I am well aware that this is a rare and wonderful thing. In that moment I feel seen in the best of ways.

It hasn’t always been this way. It has taken us many years and constant intention to get to this place but we are here and I am drop-to-my-knees grateful.

We are proof that it’s never too late to become a conscious parent and for your child to benefit from it.

I thank us both.

The second strongest feeling I had when she said it was indignation. Humph! Me? Safe? I keep challenging myself to be more honest – even if it means being SEEN by y’all – not necessarily in the best of ways.

The third strongest feeling was recognising truth.

I laughed, “It’s because I’ve been in transition. I’m not sure where I’m going with all this, or with what I want the blog to be.”

“But you’ve always written about your confusion before” she says to me in surprise. Thanks Imma.

So here it is.

This writing journey has led me to places I never expected. Deep dark places within myself and startling peaks. I thought the blog was just a way to build a platform to get my book published. I didn’t know a blog has its own life and spirit. Like my children it has shown me to myself over and over in ways that have humbled, thrilled and terrified me. And my book still hasn’t been published.

I have a deep faith in the book’s own journey. In Hebrew the term for publishing translates as, “to bring into the light”. Isn’t that lovely? So this book, like all of us, will come into the light when it’s good and ready. Like my children it has shown me that – and I have finally humbly (mostly) stopped pushing MY way onto it.

Now I’m left with a blog that’s alive. And I’m in love with it.

Life’s funny like that.

BUT it was conceived as a platform-building thing and that’s just not it’s only true purpose in the world – or so it tells me. It wants to be re-named and realigned with its truth – and no, I don’t know yet what that is.

So let’s get practical. The name right now is too long. When people want to visit the site they can’t remember it – and EilatAviram.com is no easier to remember!

So I want your ideas for a two or three word title that will shine with the spirit of this blog – and an explanatory sub-heading. I haven’t had an Aha! yet on my own and it’s always good to ask for help when you need it.

Sri Swami Venkatesananda writes, “We are all cells in the body of God”. When I read that I

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Posted on 21 Apr, 2014 | 6 comments

One Year Round Up – Happy Birthday To Meeeeee

cake

I’m amazed to think I started this blog a year ago. It feels a lot longer. A year ago I had never even read a blog before.

Creating and writing this blog has been almost as good as my children for helping me process and heal some very deep and longstanding issues that were holding me back. I am a different person now than I was last April 22nd. I recently met a very intuitive guy that I hadn’t seen for a year and after chatting a while he looked at me quizzically and said, “You’ve changed somehow. It’s like you’re more open.”

Hooray!

Thank you SO much for reading and supporting and commenting during the year. It has been an honour to have you alongside me on this journey and I look forward to lots more. I LOVE writing this blog!!

I’ve decided to honour a few posts from the past year that have stood out for me for some reason. If you have others that touched you please add your opinions. As always, I love hearing from you.

 

I laughed the most while writing this one:

I Put My Hands In Vomit

For some reason I really love these two:

I’m Done With Feeling Not Good Enough!

Children Show You To Yourself

This one got viewed and passed around the most this year:

Parenting Is VERY Hard People!

This is the first post I ever wrote:

It’s Not Perfect But I’m Doing It Anyway

These are things I wish we could all remember:

What Is Your Truth

Just Be In It

As Precious As Your Child

No, No, No, It’s About Love!

What has your journey been like with this blog so far?

 

 

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Posted on 10 Feb, 2014 | 16 comments

No, No, No! It’s About Love!

You see this is why I write this blog! To learn.

Thank you for your comments last week. They made me aware I was setting the shouting diet challenge in the usual masculine, gung-ho, set-up-to-fail way that so many of us trip into.

grrrr

We humans are designed to need connection and love. It is how we survive and how we thrive. The real reason shouting from anger is so painful and we see it as so ‘bad’ is because it is a moment where we lose connection with our child – and more painfully with ourselves.

Life is not something you can ‘fail’ at. What a set-up. Everything that happens in our life is always, always helping us learn to love ourselves more deeply. So if you are angry, depressed, anxious, numb, all it means is that there’s a part of yourself calling for your attention, calling for your connection – a part of you that has, during your lifetime, been lost or pushed aside and that now wants to come home to you.

We just have to learn to listen.

The way to deal with yourself post-anger is the same way you would deal with your frightened, hurt child in your most tender and proud parenting moments. THAT loving tenderness is what this ‘diet’ journey is about for me.

I don’t want to beat myself up, get firm with myself or set goals at which I know I will fail. That’s just more of the usual self-sabotage. It’s another excuse to stay small and not shine my greatest light. It’s a way to say, “Oh see, I tried and tried and yet I failed. Clearly I’m not good enough. I’d better just stop trying stuff and live below the radar.”

Rubbish!

This world gets better each time one of us lets our light shine, fully and without apology. How many times has your anger erupted because you kept quiet for too long and then went pop? Why do you keep quiet until you can’t bear it anymore? Why are you afraid you are unimportant?

You are not.

This journey is about connection. Life is about remembering who you are in essence – a radiant, richly gifted and beautiful being. It’s true – don’t snort at me! Regardless of what you may have fooled yourself into believing, whatever things were said to you when you were young…

Don’t believe me?

You know those moments when yo

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Posted on 12 Aug, 2013 | 2 comments

Why Are You Doing What You’re Doing?

I just got another lovely rejection letter for my book from a literary agent in New York. Why do I say lovely? Well, I’ve received lots of straight-up “no’s” since I started this journey in February but this is my third “I-wish-I-could-but…” letter. An affirming rejection  –  who knew? See how I’ve grown, tra la la!

This kind agent told me she likes my book idea, my writing and my qualifications but that nowadays that’s not enough. Nowadays the big publishing houses need you to come with your own ready-made market. If they are not guaranteed that your book will sell at least 5-10,000 copies it’s not worth it to them. No matter how amazing your book is.

b

So she told me to take a year, build up my ‘platform’ (in other words people who have heard of me and want to read what I have to say) and then please get back to her “with a whole lot more going for you”, because she really does like my idea a lot. So nice, really…

But why on earth would I do any of this ‘platform building’ to myself? It’s true I love my 

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Posted on 7 May, 2013 | 0 comments

Look After Yourself

Writing is my way to be conscious of myself in my parenting journey. If my writing helps someone else heal or be more conscious or feel inspired to deal with their life more constructively then I would be honored but this is not a How To Parent site. Lord knows most of the time I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to parenting – and many times an onlooker would be able to see that, because I actually don’t know. Just like everyone else. One of the many, many wonderful things about my work as a therapist is that I get a window into how many other people feel about stuff – so I know I’m not crazy and I’m not alone.

Most of all I write to give myself a space to be me and not forget myself on this crazy adventure of being a parent

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Posted on 29 Apr, 2013 | 4 comments

The Thing About Rejection Is… (Part 1 – because rejection needs at least two blogs)

I got a rejection letter from a literary agent yesterday. She was very nice about it. Here, I’ll show you:

“There’s some good, smooth prose in these pages – in fact, the quality of writing is better than most of the material that crosses my desk. I was also impressed with your credentials, and it’s clear that you’ll be offering some very solid advice throughout. It’s with regret, though, that I must admit that I’ve got reservations about my ability to place the project… (here she describes her experience briefly) …What with my recent experience, I suspect I wouldn’t be the best advocate for your project. In spite of the book’s strengths, I’d better bow out.

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Posted on 26 Apr, 2013 | 1 comment

Reuniting With My Trust

Setting up this blog has been an exercise in letting go and trusting. Just like parenting. When my kind friend set up this blog for me I randomly selected a theme. I mean RANDOMLY. He said, “This is where you choose how you want your blog page to look” and I said, “Oh like this?” and clicked on one of the options. He said yes and carried on showing me around the site. So that was how I picked my theme. Obviously I was going to change it when I got around to formatting everything. When I got to a safe place of being able to control everything. C o n t r o o o l   e v e r y t h i i i n g. Why is that so very important to us humans?

So this morning at 3.38am (but who’s keeping track?) I was called to duty. “Mamaaaaaa” wails a tiny little voice

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Posted on 22 Apr, 2013 | 2 comments

It’s Not Perfect But I’m Doing It Anyway

This is my first ever blog. I so want it to be perfect. I really, really do. I had all these plans and ideas about how I was going to do this. I would sit and really think through what I wanted my blog to be about – I mean on the whole not just my first one. I want to be clear about my intention and send through an honest energy. I was going to get just the right host for my blog, get it designed… basically I was planning to have a whole lot of perfect things going on with it. I’ve been really excited to get going.

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