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Posted on 22 Feb, 2016 | 4 comments

Forget The Cat, Curiosity Saves The Day!

Have you ever noticed how much we try to be in control of the things around us? Parenting is a fantastic mirror for this trait. We watch what they eat, what they do, who they play with, how they talk, etc, etc, etc… Of course we just want what’s best for them, but sometimes what we choose to control about them is more about our fears and less about what is in our child’s (or anyone’s) best interests.

Have you ever found that when you are less attached to exactly how something is supposed to go and you let things flow more, the outcome is more joyful for everyone involved?

I have decided that I want more joy and therefore I need to try to give up control more.

open

I declared a very clear intention to myself. I said, “I want to let go control over and over and over. In every small and big way, I am going to practice letting go of control.” Then I asked for the lessons to be gentle (because you can do that) and for Universal help with this because I don’t even see I am doing it most of the time.

How is it going so far, you want to know?

TERRIBLY! It’s a disaster. Since I said that, I am more controlling than ever. I’m getting to see this nasty habit more clearly. Second-hand smoke has nothing on this killer addiction! I am finding it really tough to stop. Parts of my body have seized up in demonstration against my ill-starred (as they apparently see it) plan.

Like with any addiction,

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Posted on 11 Jan, 2016 | 0 comments

What Is Your Truth?

If I’m not true to myself then whose life am I living? If I don’t do what I find important and interesting then what am I expressing into the world? If I learn to parent by listening to all the books and social opinions, then how do I know what to follow when nothing makes sense?

I’ve started a new project recently and I keep feeling overwhelmed and lost and confused in it – which makes me

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Posted on 2 Nov, 2015 | 6 comments

This 9-Year-Old Thing – And Control

I’m constantly amazed anew at the effectiveness of this technique of using the challenges your child offers you for your own growth and healing. If anything makes me feel overwhelmed, upset, scared, angry – whatever – and I take the time to look and ask, “If this is my teacher, if this is carefully, lovingly orchestrated to teach me, what is the lesson here?” I get the answer. Always. It’s really amazing.

You know what else is also amazing? How many times in the parenting experience I look at my child and think, “I really don’t know what to do right now.”

what now

You know those times? You are being challenged, you know you need to do something – something needs to be done – but in the moment you just don’t know how to resolve it.

My child is going through another big life development phase (so what’s new?). This 9 year-old thing, where the child’s consciousness suddenly expands beyond the small sphere of home and family and he or she becomes more aware of the big wide world. Poor little mites go from being the big fish in a small pond (home) to small fish in a big pond (world). Not easy by any means. Each child and family deals with it differently but in my home confusion, power battles, anger, fear, tantrums, must-have-it-my-way is the order of the day. It’s fun, fun, FUN for the whole family!

He needs bigger territory, more responsibilities, more freedom to accommodate his growth and his need for adventure and independence – but at the same time he needs to know we are there keeping him safe. I’m trying to be kind and understanding while holding my boundaries firm but its ever-so tricky to do this Boundaried-Independence thing.

Another tackle with him this morning left me

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Posted on 2 Jun, 2014 | 8 comments

Do You Find It HARD To ‘Be In The Moment’?

So let’s talk about this being ‘in the moment’ thing. If we all know about it, why do we need so much reminding to do it?

Last week I challenged myself to remember that in any given moment I lack nothing. That I already have everything I need – and some of you joined in with this intention.

How’s it been going?

I’ve been striving to remember to breathe, drop into my heart space and just be in the moment. It’s been an interesting journey.

When I manage to do it, it’s a relief. Like a deep soul whisper, “Everything’s alright.”

But what I’ve also noticed is that a) it’s taken me deeper into myself this week and b) I’ve avoided that somehow. What is that all about?!

So I’ve been listening to and observing myself and others and these are my research results:

Most of the time we are focused on the past or the future – which are both fantasies. Really, they are. They don’t actually exist. The times we ARE able to connect with the present moment, we seem to have a reflex to judge where we are – which is another clever way of avoiding the moment because then we think about why this moment is like this – and that throws us into the past or the future.

And this keeps us stuck in the very things we wish we didn’t have.

For example, I feel I don’t have enough time for myself, or connection with myself even when I get the time. Dropping into my heart space in the very moment I am in eases that feeling of lack dramatically. That’s what I’m actually seeking, yes? So why don’t I do it more? It’s fear people, our old friend Fear.

Let me ‘splain by expanding this into relationships with other people and with life in general.

I want more closeness in my relationship with someone so I practice what I preach. I breathe, I center myself and I open my heart to that person. The first feelings I’m flooded with are sadness, frustration, regret and pain in my heart. Why should that be? Because even in the moment of loving, what I’m unwittingly focusing on is what I feel I’ve been lacking. Why I even need to remember to open my heart to this someone. In other words, I’m thinking of what I haven’t had. And hey presto, suddenly I don’t have the closeness I want and need in that moment either.

Even though it’s right there I can’t access it – because in truth

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Posted on 19 May, 2014 | 0 comments

Who Is Captaining Your Life Canoe Right Now?

 

“I don’t know what they want from me!” Kirsty tells me angrily, then mimics a whiny voice “’You don’t spend enough time with me’…”

She’s talking about her handsome, loving, supportive husband and beloved, beautiful, talented child. She has what one would describe as a happy family. In the important ways, all is well with them – but she feels frustrated and scared because they always want more from her.

Kirsty, you see, is a warm, nurturing, strong woman and others gravitate towards her. When she turns the light that is her onto others, she metaphorically scoops them up in a wonderful embrace that they never want to end. She’s very good at looking after people – less good at looking after herself.

holding

She can’t carry on like this anymore so she’s here seeking change and it scares her a lot. She tells me, “The other day I thought, if you’re going down a river you can approach rapids with fear or with exhilaration.”

I’m excited to hear her say that – it means she’s starting to open to the adventure that is change. “Actually” I reply, “if you think about it, the physical experience of fear and exhilaration are the same. Beating heart, rapid breathing, adrenalin pumping… The only real difference between them is whether you judge those sensations to be good or bad.”

Quietly I think of how I’ve been facing recent rapids in my life river. Maybe not loving that adrenalin so much…

And in that moment she gazes at me with awe, admiration and self-judgement in her eyes. “What makes you so calm in all this?” she wants to know.

Huh? What? Really? Calm? Me?

Anyone who reads my blog can see I’m not always in calm waters. But then again… there is this one thing…

“I’ll tell you what gives me some sense of calm even while I’m being tossed about on the waves” I suddenly answer.

“When I’m heading for the rapids and I panic, I

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Posted on 1 Jul, 2013 | 0 comments

It Seems I Hit A Nerve

I received such beautiful, heartfelt and inspiring responses to my post I’m Done With Feeling Not Good Enough . It seems to have stirred something up. It’s one thing to know you’re not alone in feeling something and another to see you’re not alone. I’m SO glad I found the courage to write it.

One woman told me, “After I read your post on feeling not good enough I suddenly realized that it might be fears of not being good enough that have been driving the anxiety I’ve lived with all my life”

Image courtesy of Foto76 FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Foto76 FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A poetess wrote me this; “Did you hear thunder? No? I thought you may have had something to do with it, having started this open conversation about the god Goodenough. I dreamt that I arrived at school to fetch my child and was faced with

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Posted on 31 May, 2013 | 4 comments

I Couldn’t See Myself

Image courtesy of Vegadsl FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Vegadsl FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It truly amazes me how I couldn’t see myself. How with all my introspection and insight and intuition I sometimes can’t see myself at all. I get drawn into the illusion that things happen ‘out there’. I KNOW that what happens ‘out there’ reflects what is going on ‘in here’ – for goodness sake’s that’s what I’m writing about parenting – but still… the illusion is SO powerful.

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Posted on 15 May, 2013 | 0 comments

Children Show You To Yourself

Today my client Karla rolled her eyes at me about her teenage daughter’s behavior. Her 17 year old Ann is a sensitive soul who struggles with the grounded practicalities of the world. Last week she had to write a test on a topic that was new to her. Freak-out central! First she asked her mom if they could cancel the test. Karla said no. The few days before the test were an on-going nightmare for the family as Ann expressed her fear of this test in the way only teenagers know how. She acted out – big time.

It was dad’s weekend and from her dad’s house Ann sent vicious hate mails and texts to Karla saying she was betraying her, not listening to her, didn’t care about her and all sorts of creative nastiness. Karla miraculously managed to (mostly) keep her cool and not get hooked into retaliating nastily. Finally – feeling quite saintly at this point

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Posted on 26 Apr, 2013 | 1 comment

Reuniting With My Trust

Setting up this blog has been an exercise in letting go and trusting. Just like parenting. When my kind friend set up this blog for me I randomly selected a theme. I mean RANDOMLY. He said, “This is where you choose how you want your blog page to look” and I said, “Oh like this?” and clicked on one of the options. He said yes and carried on showing me around the site. So that was how I picked my theme. Obviously I was going to change it when I got around to formatting everything. When I got to a safe place of being able to control everything. C o n t r o o o l   e v e r y t h i i i n g. Why is that so very important to us humans?

So this morning at 3.38am (but who’s keeping track?) I was called to duty. “Mamaaaaaa” wails a tiny little voice

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Posted on 22 Apr, 2013 | 2 comments

It’s Not Perfect But I’m Doing It Anyway

This is my first ever blog. I so want it to be perfect. I really, really do. I had all these plans and ideas about how I was going to do this. I would sit and really think through what I wanted my blog to be about – I mean on the whole not just my first one. I want to be clear about my intention and send through an honest energy. I was going to get just the right host for my blog, get it designed… basically I was planning to have a whole lot of perfect things going on with it. I’ve been really excited to get going.

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